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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!