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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Walked into the kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote I lost 30 minutes ago
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then Iām assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Life is tough. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like the rest of us.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.