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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Three words to ruin a woman`s ego. "I can`t tell."
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
When your kids become teenagers, it`s important to have a dog so someone in the house is happy to see you.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.