Daily Silly Status

The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.

Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`

Kiss her in the middle of her sentence so you don`t have to hear what she`s talking about.

There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.

I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them

What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?

One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.

I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P

If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?

I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.

My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.

The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.

I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.

The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.

I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!