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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
The first 30 years of childhood are always the hardest.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!