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Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Do a little dance, make a little love, pay child support.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.