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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
some mornings i wish i could sneak up behind my alarm clock and say, "HOW DOES IT FEEL?!!"
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.