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Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
Laziness: the habit of resting before you get tired.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now
I`m having an out of money experience.