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Kids may be a gift, but I like playing with the box it came in.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
joined a nudist colony last week ... the first few days were the hardest!
I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn`t. So I gave it mouth to mouth.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
New rule: advertisements can no longer use adjectives. I`ll decide what is "fresh" and "natural" and "like a real girl" thank you very much.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.