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Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
What idiot called it "best man" instead of "lord of the rings"
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...We all know it`s never gonna happen
Don`t waste my timeline.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
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I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!