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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
PMS is no joke, you guys. I just ate like three bags of Reese`s Pieces. Oh, and my wife`s really being a bitch.
I need new swear words.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
There`s no life problem that a good "F*ck this shit" can`t solve.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
I grew up for this?
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
Iām on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.