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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
Fellas; There’s no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
Better late than pregnant.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.