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I feel like a piece of corn in the digestive tract of life ~ I`m going through a lot of crap but I`m sure I`ll come out whole.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.