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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”