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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Siri, where are my pants?
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.