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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
A sofa is a vacation for your a$$...
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
roes are red violets are blue he`s for me not for you if for any chance you`ll take my place i`ll use my fist and smash your face
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!