Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
Let`s all have a moment of silence for people who can`t have a moment of silence because they have kids.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
I don`t drink these days. I`m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.