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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Behind every great women is a man checking out her a$$
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.