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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
Trust me... You don`t want my undivided attention.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!