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Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!