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Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.