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When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
When I squeeze a tube of `whitening toothpaste` and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
My view on chocolate: God’s way of saying, “No hard feelings,” to those of us who aren’t getting any.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!