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I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...