Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
So far today has been a pretty good day...I haven`t had to bite or hit anyone, yet!!
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.