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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Urban Dictionary: Helping white folks figure out if they`re getting insulted or complimented daily.
Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??