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I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I wish people`s voices actually sounded the way they do when their spouse or partner imitates them during an argument.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?