Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.