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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I`m sexy!" Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she`s always there, 10 paces ahead of me...
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
When someone tries to tell me they can`t do something, I`m like "you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?"