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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
A leaf blower, but for people.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.