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I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they`d leave that one on too.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
I kinda dig you, want to hang out and stuff until we hate each other?
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.