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There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks