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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.