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Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.