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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.