Daily Silly Status

SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die

I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn`t reach very far.

I`m running out of people I can tolerate!

I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.

LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.

I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.

That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.

My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.

Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?

I`ll never be to old to redecorate your garden gnomes in the middle of the night.

I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.

I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.

I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.

I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.

I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.