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I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
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Some of my ideas are about as profitable as selling YOLO T-Shirts at a Reincarnation seminar
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice