Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.