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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
Sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk`d...
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.