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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iām still looking.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.