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McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Sometimes, late at night in the market..i switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.