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I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Hate is too powerful an emotion to waste on somebody you don`t even like.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.