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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
I just dusted and mopped the house like 3 months ago and it’s dirty again. This is bullsh!t.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
No pants are the best pants.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.