Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
For a minute there, I thought I had just wasted 60 seconds...
Boss: Why aren`t you working? Me: I didn`t see you coming!
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I just awesomed all over the place.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
The only thing I drink from a shot glass nowdays is Maalox.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.