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My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
A 4-way stop is an IQ test you take in public.