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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problems. 99% demons.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...