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I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.