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Ever had sex while camping!? It`s intents!
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.