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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.