Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.