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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
What am I taking to the Family Thanksgiving feast? Tupperware.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen