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PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."