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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.