Daily Silly Status

What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?

If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.

Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.

I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a

Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.

Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.

The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.

I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.

I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.

If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.

Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.

If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.

Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"

I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment