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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
I`ll call it a "smart phone" the day I yell, "Where`s my freaking phone?!" and it answers, "I`m here! Under your jacket!"
lol I rotfl
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.