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"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.