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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
Of course bears sh!t in the woods, they do most of their stuff in the woods, very few bears own a house.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.